Are you as patient as you can be with your kids?
Of course, you love your children, but chances are that on occasion they drive you insane - or at least it feels liike they do.
If this is happening to you, you can maintain greater harmony with your children by practicing the art of patience.
When you practice more patience, you’ll also be helping your children to learn patience - a skill that will benefit them for the rest of their lives.
Here are some methods you can use to learn to be more patient with your kids:
1. Identify your triggers
What are your triggers? Be as specific as possible.
Is it most difficult when you are juggling too many things at once?
Or when you are in a rush, or just those times when you are too tired or hungry?
Once you learn to understand what causes you to lose patience, you can try to avoid these situations, or at least you’ll know when it is time to start practicing your patience skills.
2. What do you do?
How do you respond when you're losing patience?
What happens when you lose patience?
Do you get sweaty palms, or perhaps experience an increased heart rate?
In the future, these warning signals will alert you to react positively.
3. What can you do in the future?
Consider what you can do to stay calm in the future. Crucially, you must first step away from the situation.
If you do find yourself about to lose your patience, it’s best that you walk away from the situation rather than reacting negatively.
Take a moment to yourself and practice some deep breathing exercises to calm yourself down.
4. Practice makes perfect
You must be patient, not just preach it.
Actions speak louder than words and, whatever their age, your children watch your actions more than they listen to your words.
Also, it takes action to practice your patience skills so practice as much as possible!
5. Flex your patience
Patience is an intervention. Patience is a tool that can be applied to any situation.
Remember this:
Once we understand the value of patience and apply it correctly, we will no longer react in anger to frustrating situations.
6. Be patient with yourself!
Have reasonable expectations - of yourself as well as your kids.
You can’t expect your toddler to learn to potty train overnight, just as you wouldn’t expect your five-year-old to learn calculus.
It’s important to understand that many things just take time (and patience) and you will get there soon enough.
7. The relationship is the thing - always
Think about your relationship rather than results or even the immediate problem.
It can be easy to become side-tracked by results or to see a messy floor or some other problem as bigger than it is.
However, if you focus on your relationship with your child, results (and messes!) will become less important, but may improve anyway as a result of the improved relationship.
8. Use the 5 R's
Re-state, rethink, re-evaluate, relax and regroup.
Instead of reacting with frustration when your child fails to complete a task, use these 5 R’s:
- Re-state. Calmly tell your kids what your expectations are.
- Rethink. Think about your timetable.
- Re-evaluate. Did they mean to do it wrong? Was the task reasonable?
- Relax. Think about how you are approaching the problem and whether you can change anything.
- Re-group. Actively work on the situation instead of losing your temper as you would in the past.
9. Say "I'm sorry" - often
Be prepared to apologize.
Some people think that apologising to your child will lessen your authority, but nothing could be further from the truth.
You are the role model, so it’s important to take responsibility for your actions when your own behavior is less than stellar.
Apologise then take some time to reconnect with a hug, a snuggle on the sofa to read a story, or get down on the floor and play.
Your child needs you to reconnect with them physically so you can move forward together.
Remember, when you apologise, you are teaching your children how to take responsibility, too - and showing them that you're only human too.
10. Remember self-care
Take care of yourself. Self care is essential to keep you going.
Look after your own needs as well as those of your kids.
Sometimes we put ourselves at the back of the queue when it comes to care, but this can be to your detriment and your family’s.
Remember to take time for yourself, get a hobby, or just have an hour off occasionally.
This will give you time to recharge so you can come back and be super-parent after.
11. Realize that you are human
We all lose patience occasionally, and while it may not seem like a positive thing at the time, it may show you that you’re feeling overwhelmed or under appreciated.
Perhaps there is something you can do about that issue too.
Kids can be frustrating, but practicing patience can strengthen your bonds, lessen your frustration, and teach your children - and you - valuable skills.
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